Nataliya Shmarenova, from Ukraine, has won the Mrs World title; but she loses it if she divorces in the next year (Kleo.ru, in Russian). So it's not a slam-dunk for her, because these things do put a strain on the marital bond. I was once a judge for the Moscow competition Miss Tolstushka - roughly, Miss Fat Lady - which was organised by Moskovsky Komsomolets newspaper and held in the Luzhniki sports stadium in front of a football-match-sized crowd. I made what I thought was an elegant speech about the beautiful fat ladies in Russian art - Arkhipov's peasant girls, Kustodiev's merchants' wives and so on - but it seemed to go above everyone's heads and one guy in particular kept heckling me. The show-winner, who had to dance, sing, answer difficult questions and also perform a satirical striptease, returned home that evening to find that her husband - the heckler himself - had left her in disgust. How did I get that job? Well, I was on a plane to Moscow when someone opened a locker and a bottle of wine fell out onto my head. The owner, who turned out to be the organiser of Miss Tolstushka, apologised profusely, offered me a drink, we began to chat, and soon it was in the bag.